False assurances and blind optimism

 Hey hi :) im done with sem two. all thats left is finals and im done. yayyers! Rasa macam baru semalam post pasal masuk sem dua kan? haha

things are messy right now. i dont know. but i am alright. being very careful not to let triggers get the best of me but its getting harder. i think i am alright, but kadang kadang dalam bas, rasa macam kena attack. and tah lah. my brain are weird lah lately. i just, tak tau nak buat cemana dah. but i am okay. i really am. just, very scared and alone rn. kot. entah lah. oh well. whatever lah.

on the bright side, i wrote and posted something online tadi. BIAR LAH PROMPT DIA UNHEALTHY BUT ATLEAST I WRITE SOMETHINGGGG WOOT WOOT.  nak bagi link but insecurities so amik jelah. lol.kinda rusty, but omg A PROPER DRABBLE AFTER SOOOOO LONG PIPEL PLEASE BE PROUDDD hahahahah

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False assurances and blind optimism.

The mansion is eerily quiet except for the quick footsteps of the maids running in and out of the kitchen halls and I found solitude in sitting on the floor of his office, staring at his empty desk. 

“monkey-yah” I heard a familiar sigh from the doorway, but I didn’t bother to turn.  My eyes were locked on his chair, with my knees pulled up close to my chest and my arms draped around my legs.

4 weeks. Woo bin has been MIA for four weeks. 

Woo bin being out of reach is nothing new, I have had my fair share of worries but he never went radio silence for this long. It was a normal ‘underground’ business trip. A friendly visit, he said. But now, even his men at the headquarters have no idea on his and his team’s whereabouts. 

“monkey- yah,” he said again, and I heard his footsteps coming into the room and ends up sitting beside me. His aftershave scent filled the room and for a second I cursed him because it overshadows woo bin’s scent in the room.  

“leave, yi jung” I said, but my voice lacks the usual snappiness and I heard a quiet snort as he stretch his legs out.

We haven’t talked for a while since I left but it’s that distant yet familiar comfortableness we once shared around each other is the only reason that stops me form snapping his wrist when he placed his arm around my shoulders.

I took a deep breath and leaned on his shoulder, comforted when he leaned his head against my own. “it has been too long, yi jung. Too long” I croaked and for once in the past 4 weeks, I allowed tears to flow down my cheeks. 

He sighed, as I know his fear mimicked mine but tightened his hold and rubs his hands up and down my arm. “I know, but he’ll come back. Woo bin always comes back” 

Not believing a word he was saying and unable to put up anymore façade, I went full on bawling. “its okay, jae, everything is gonna be okay” he said as he wraps his other arm and pulled me into an embrace. Sobs were heard but he murmured words of comfort, constantly repeating that woo bin will be okay and soft hushes.

I know it’s not gonna be okay. And yi jung knows it all too well too. He is never the type that believes in optimism. And we both knows that nothing good ever comes out when someone went under the radar for this long but right now as we sat on the floor of woo bin’s office, false assurances and blind optimism is perhaps all that we need. 

i miss delins btw. k tu je bye.