full speed ahead.

"dont you trust me? why cant you trust me that i could do all of this?"

"you are an amazing girl, sha. i know you can do it all. But tell me, who are you doing this for?"

my life is on full speed right now. Semester two and i'm in Tuisyen Sayang, teaching kids every tuesdays and wednesdays til 1145pm, been staying back every monday at the library until 8pm and got stuck at section seven's bus stop til 10pm. Loving my photography classes eventhough it ends at 9pm and again the buses would effed up and i end up walking home alone at 1040pm. I also went for an interview for a student club last thursday, got back at 10.40pm. and basically i got home almost every day at 1030pm if not later this semester.

i'm pretty cool with it. 

i love the kids at tuisyen sayang, and i certainly love the car rides. I love the fact that i still have a friend, and we can laugh and talk without worrying about the past. I smiled like a fool everytime i remember you calling them 'family kita' and i love the friends that joined us.

 I love that i got scared going home alone by bus at 10 o'clock at night but it just made me sujud syukur after i perform solat isyak every time i got home safely so i guess the fear is okay. and being alone isnt so scary after all.

My studies is going well, i think. Im a bit behind on my notes, but im catching up. Being at the library every monday helps, though i wish i could have some company because lets admit it, PTAR is scary at night, hands down. lol. A LOT of tests are coming to bite my ass next few weeks but im up for it. i think I got torts and all i need to do is catch up with shariah... and contracts.... and consti.

*pin drop*

ohhh im screwed, arent i? 

hahah, oh well. i dont mind. But it is still very hard to study at home. its wierd. i wish i could go to NR or ptar or somewhere to study without any pressure like before, you know? the idea of coming home at night is still scary for me. and lets admit it, 11pm walking down from the bus stop to my apartment is still dangerous kan? blergh. kekadang duduk luar ni susah jugak kan? hahah 

but other than that, im cool. dead beat every night, but breathing :)

still terrified of the future, but i think im doing fine. 

usually it takes me several weeks to have a breakdown, and its already week five. a meltdown is either on its way fast , or im actually doing okay for once lol :D 

anyways, thats for reading. sorry for the rants. have a great weekend :)

xoxo.