in which i feel like a loser.

"sometimes when the sun is gone and our curtain falls, i caught myself wondering what is it like if you are next to me, but when the sun is up i found myself sighing in relief for I miss your presence yet  fear your charm. "

harloo :) a quick rant. 

when i got into law school, i held out so many plans. i had big dreams of leading a law student club called SCLC. Boy my dreams were big.

But as we all know, we may plan, but sometimes the Almighty had other plans for us. A better one. So my journey fall out and i stumbled along the way. I dont know how to say this without making me sound like an utter loser but i am. I feel like one too. lol. 

But im still alive, up and about. Didnt got myself a major concussion and certainly didnt cut myself to death so taadaa! LOL :D

anyways, the point of this post is to say that i am trying my best to pick myself up. To rebuild my life properly. Dont ask me who am i trying to convince cause i dont exactly know. Mom and dad supports me loads even if i end up coming home without a law degree, im sure of that after how they saw me last semester. Probably i am trying to push myself for my brothers who left, maybe just for myself. 

But i am trying. I also made some goals like to not end up visiting my counselor again this sem, and to not use up all my medicine in my first aid kit so yeah, im trying to work on it.haha

But sometimes when i saw tweets about how my batch mates joined this and that at the law fac, i feel like a complete loser. i do. I was supposed to be with them, but i messed up in sem one and didnt get on the same train as them. I'd say i missed the train of happiness and currently waiting for the next one which doesnt seem to show up. 

I'm putting up a brave face though, and will try to be better. Tuisyen sayang helps, i must say. The kids there gives me something to look forward to every day after class. 

so yeah, i am an addict trying to be sober. It has only been two weeks, but i can already feel the pressure. But i am trying. Maybe if Allah wills it, you get to see me up and about more confidently soon :)

have a good weekend! 

:)