Complications

So many feels im confused. The jealousy the fear the disaapointment the sadness the pressure the lack of sleep, all the above pretty much fucked up my head and im tired but i dont want to fall asleep cause then the dreams and nightmare qill come cause i miss all of them so much and my head have this crazy way of reminding that i cant look back :( that i shouldnt look back :( 

But ive been shaking for few days already  im scared.

I dont feel like home is home lately cause all they do everytine i step inside is study and honestly again im scared. 

Im surrounded by so awesome friendships i keep wondering how i would be right bow if shikin is still here but theres no use cause i know too well that shes pretty much like dead already in my life. Such amazing friendships made me sad and wanting to have a similar relationship but i cant really open up bout  shit.

I want to be me but idont know. 

Im so fucked up now and eventhough i am enjoyingvthe fucked up-ness i cant help it ua know.

I dont wanna sleep. 

I dont wanna go home cause i know ill sleep and honeatly with all the things that goin ob right now the only thing imma get from falling asleep is nightmares on shikin and other shits so yeah im fucked up and theres nothing i can do about it :(