im trying..im not struggling but i am trying.
i am trying to be the best. for now, i am just plain glad that i dont have any D's in my slip.
my love towards additional math sure is increasing but the memories of crying my heart out just the night before i took the test is not fading away and that scares me. the images remind me how scary add math can be..
I CRIED CAUSE OF A FREAKING TEST!! LITERALLY CRIED!
i am trying to be that person that everyone like. not for other peeps but for my self. i do not wish to gain any haters but again, my mind has set things up. everyone will have haters and lovers. even the wallflower have some. i'm trying to be the responsible prefect your all expecting..i am trying really but after what you said the other day, suddenly i felt that everything fall on my shoulder.
my physics is getting better...cant say the same for my chemistry. and what happen to my bio. is just unthinkable. please dont remind me about that. that thing is really....a solid kick in the gut. like seriously.
my home is pretty much lame. if it wasnt for my mom, i dont think i'd survive.
and i stayed at my school everyday till 4pm so i guess that is also one of my reason for still surviving here.
physically, i feel fine but mentally. i dont know. a quarter of my heart is still aching. for some silly reason but my someones pretty much helped me bigtime. thanks guys.
it also occured to me the other day.. one of my junior called my name as i walk to the chem lab and asked. "kak qila. kak qila okay ke? "
i was shocked. i mean, that day...on that particular day, i was a bit disturbed but when she called my name. and asked am i okay...i was really taken aback. i walked past her earlier and i am pretty sure i got a small smile plastered on my face. but i dont know how,...she saw right through it.
i said "yeah..akk okay je."
and she replied, "ye kee? macam lain je. "
i just smile and assured her. "akk okay. thanks."
i'm really not that close to that junior, sure. we dutied together once or twice but.. she asked it as if she saw right through me.
that incident seem really small and not worth remembering but yet. somehow...just somehow. it cant get out from my head.
a friend of mine said i am the best actress when it comes to my emotion. she said, i could easily express my anger and confusion but often, she get confused when it comes to me being happy and sad. she said after 2009, she just cant tell what emotion am i truly expressing. when i'm sad, i acted happy. and when im really happy, she just cant tell it anymore.
well, that was to her. i dont what and how the others sees me.
oh! i heard a cover on youtube just now. a cover by PeuyeumUS. they covered a song by BEAST, fiction.
its nice. the lyric is kind of meaning full. hee..kind of. :p
(But this is fiction)
And now I'm a writer with no purpose to write
Didn't want this to end and there's no ending in sight it's
(in my own fiction)
I love you x5
That's all that I can write
(Everything's fiction)
Pen on the paper as I continue on
As I write on this tear soaked paper, almost gone
(Everyting's fiction)
I know that this story can never have an end
It's neither happy nor sad, only fiction
As of now
I'm writing a story of
Happiness, love, and lives that stay as one
But I know deep inside it's in my mind
Nothing more-ore
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