another tragic post from my tragic life....i'm sorry for you guys who have to read this. you can skip this post..its fine. i wont mind. its nothing but just another emotional entry from me.
okay so heres the thing. babe, im sorry but i wont accept your friend request. accepting you will only make matter worse both for me and her. i dont want to hurt her and most of all, i dont wanna make my relationship with her become more tegang, you know. i love her. and i still do. eventhough she wont me in my life anymore its okay. i can still try and make things better. time heals everything, no? she's mad at him...not me. im certain that she just need some time to recover. she has super great family and now a new special someone beside her. and i respect that. she want to distance herself from me and my family because of him and i totally get it. he has hurt her. its only fair if she did what she did now. atleast she called and wish me congrats on my pmr result day right? :)
i've seen her. through pictures ofcourse. she doesnt look good. she looked.......stressed out...and sick. i really want to reach out and called her but i keep having second thoughts. does she hate me too? or is it just him that she hates? i dont know. i dont want to bring out the memories she have been trying to erase. i dont want her to get hurt again.
you wont understand. you already have him by your side. you are happy. i get it. he's happy too but to me...i'm not sure i can accept you like i accept her. she's the first girl i consider as a sister. kak fida next. i've register her as a part of me since forever and now to change and reset everything...its hard. its just hard for me. sure, you are sweet and all but you are not the same. you are not as caring and as thoughtful as her. i know i shouldnt compare people but thats just it. i've seen the best of the best. i'm not saying that you suck ect but like i said. YOU ARE NOT THE SAME. to me, she's better than you. in everything. she has brothers and cousins too but still, she knows what i need. a sisterly lurve..you cant provide me with that. YOU ARE NOT THE SAME!!!! cant you notice how stiffed i was when i'm with you? how i dont talk much and always kept my distance? not once you tried to reach out for me. you're just.....nothing. plain nothing to me.
i know you dont live to please me and stuff but seeing you sending friend request to me in facebook just clicked something in me. that feeling of unacceptable just burst and i quickly clicked ignore. i cant you accept you just yet. i just cant. accepting people's request on facebook is like my way of accepting people in my life. why do you think i only have 100+ friends then? and if i ever clicked accept, she can see your stats or comments through my profile. i know she cant bare with that. she will get angry and hurt. i've seen it before and as the result, that precious friend of hers was deleted from her friend list. facebook is the only way i can contact with her. we rarely exchange comments ect but atleast i can see how she's doing. and i really want to keep in touch with her.
again, i'm sure you wont understand a thing. for you cared nothing but yourself. dont get me wrong here, i'm not trying to be rude ect...i'm just stating what i saw. you shouldnt have come close to him in the first place. he's taken at that time! why cant you bloody see that!!!?
i am angry, yes. at you. but i'm crying too. not really but my tears are threatening to fall though. typing this all out made me realized how much i really misses her and how much is my opennes to you.
you shouldnt have send your request to muar facebook. its one hell of a wrong decision.
once and for all....i'm writing this out. black and white.
i will never accept you as apart of me. atleast not yet. not until my relationship is better with her. why you may ask? its because of you! she's out form my life! she left! all BECAUSE OF YOU!
AND I HATE YOU FOR THAT! she was my everything. she was apart of me. i lost abby first, and then her? you have no idea how hurt i was. and no one was there to comfort me! i dont do sadness infront of my parents. and no way infront of my bros. she was the person i would always turn to everytime i have probs. with kimmy, yani, aby and everything. she knows how to heal me. eventhough she wasnt there when my tears fall down everynight, atleast she was there the next morning with that awesome smile of hers. her cuteness made me forget my problems even for a second and i'm grateful for that. if it wasnt for her, i wont even get 5A's for PMR. with abigail leaving me, everything was hard. no one notice my changes except for her! she doesnt really show that she knows but i know! the little thing she did to make me laugh everyday was the prove. maybe i was exaggerating. maybe she didnt notice my changes but she never fails to make me smile atleast. and untill today, even by thinking of her made me smile. i was dark and gloomy once. besides my family and friends..who else do you think brought me up? HER! all i need everyday was only laughter. and she brought me that.
so now do you understand why i cant accept you? i suppose still no. and i dont care. i'm sure you're having the same thoughts as me. i mean who am i anyway. just a sister to the guy that you so call loved. blahh....
but this is what i think and feels. i might ignore you and wont talk. i also might smile but please dont expect a true and genuine smile from me. cause i dont think i can give that to you........yet.
why must you take that huge part of me away? huh? she was my everything. she was apart of me. and then you took her away...leaving me with what?NOTHING BUT ANOTHER EMPTY HOLE!!!
thanks kak. thanks a lot. *do catch that sarcastic tone please.*
bribe me with anything. it will never be the same. not for me it wont.
I MISS HER. SO MUCH...I MISS HER SO MUCH IT HURTS.
ps: not everything in my life revolves with fake petsis. this post have nothing to do with my school and friends and seniors. understand that please. thanks in advance.
1 comment:
i love you!!~
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